The first law of gift-giving is that any gift given spontaneously, for no particular reason is, by definition, perfect. The second law, unfortunately, is that no amount of spontaneous gift-giving will compensate for even a single crappy gift on her birthday or your anniversary. So you should take any opportunity to thrill her with litde gifts throughout the year. Just don’t expect any leniency when she unwraps that toaster oven on her birthday. The simple fact is that even though you should always buy her gifts throughout the year, you’ve got to go above and beyond for the big events.

You’ll need to find at least two or three great gifts every year (birthday, anniversary, and Christmas/Hanukkah). There are two main categories of gifts from which you can choose: things and experiences. Things are easier to acquire, but are less memorable. Experiences take more leg work, but have a greater “wow” factor.

If your wife is laying down some serious hints that there’s something she really wants, you damn well better deliver. Of course, she’s setting you up for failure, since the best you’re likely to do is just meet her expectations. So, you’ve got to go above and beyond. If she’s expecting a piece of jewelry, have the maitre d’ at your restaurant deliver it with dessert (you have already made reservations at someplace special, haven’t you?). If she wants new skis, pick her up from work on Friday with them already on the roof rack, wrapped up with a bow, and whisk her off to the slopes for the weekend. If she loves flowers, have a bouquet delivered every month for a year.

Now, if your wife hasn’t given you any clues, don’t panic. Seize this opportunity to deliver something truly memorable: an experience she’ll remember forever. The two main categories of experiences are evenings out and trips. Don’t have any ideas? Don’t worry. Take a minute to think about a memorable meal you had in the past, a trip you took way back when, her favorite movie, TV show, book, whatever. Now you’ve got plenty of ideas.

Remember that special meal you two had when you first started dating? You could take her back to the same place, or you could bring the place to you. Try hiring a personal chef to re-create that memorable meal at home. Contact the American Personal Chef Association (www.personalchef.com) or the U.S. Personal Chef Association (www.hireachef.com) for more information.

How about trips? Remember your first getaway together? Or has she always talked about a trip she took in college, and how shed love to go back there with you? Most airlines sell package deals to lots of major cities, including airfare, hotel, and even meals.

She’d probably love a weekend getaway at a bed-and-breakfast somewhere. Check BBonline.com, find one nearby, and book it for that special weekend. Ask the folks at the inn if there are any nice restaurants nearby that they’d recommend. They may also have some pull to get you a reservation or a great table. Also, be sure to tell them you’re celebrating a special occasion. They may bump you up to a better room.

Another strategy is to pay attention to her favorite movies, TV shows, and books. It will take some work, but you could plan something based on a particular favorite. She loved About a Boy. There are lots of weekend deals to London.

She can’t turn off the Eukanuba Tournament of Champions. Take her to a dog show in New York. Is she addicted to the Food Network? Enroll in cooking classes (together, of course). If your wife loves tennis, get tickets to a local USTA tournament (don’t get tickets to the Anna Kournikova match, that’s just too obvious).

Or try planning a getaway close to home. Many of the big hotels do most of their business during the week with corporate clients. So they occasionally offer incentives to get people in for the weekend. Get online and check their websites. Book a weekend, which will probably include the room, dinner, breakfast, and some other perk like tickets to a show. One phone call, and you’ve got a great gift she’ll love.

Finally, as a last resort, try eBay. It’s an amazing resource for stuff you never knew existed. Just search on anything she might be interested in, and you’re almost guaranteed to find any number of items to bid on. If you know her favorite author, see if you can find an autographed first edition. Or, better,still; try to find some lost heirloom from her childhood, like a rare stuffed animal or toy she loved.

Forget Her Not (or You’re Dead Meat)
Now that you know how to find her a great gift, you’ve got to remember to buy it for her well in advance of the big day. One useful strategy is to backtrack from her birthday, your anniversary, or Christmas/Hanukkah, and find another holiday about a month or so prior. Then, use that holiday as your reminder to get in gear and find her a gift for the upcoming big one. For example, my anniversary is October 9, so I use Labor Day as a reminder to start thinking about anniversary plans. You can also automate the whole process if you do a lot of shopping online. Many of the big e-trailers, like Amazon.com, let you set up reminders of important upcoming dates.

The key here is to really be creative, and customize everything to her. Remember that for most women, the personal touch is worth a lot, so expend a little energy and save yourself.